29 August, 2010

Overwhelming love

WARNING: Long post ahead.


I think I'm starting to really come to terms with the fact that I'm married to a non-human I love so much. It has taken me almost 15 years to "completely accept" B. and it has been an uphill battle, though at first I tried to avoid dealing with it directly. I thought I was starting to solve the struggle when dating "That" other scaly, but when it ended, the struggle was still there, intact. From then on, I've tried working on it.

About 2 months ago, I was like "WHY CAN'T I COME TO TERMS WITH IT?!", and the anguish seemed bitter. It dawned on me: I no longer have a problem with lusting for other scalies (I developed some penchant for them over the years), but I still have issues lusting for B., my legitimate scaly for 14 years. I love him a lot, but have felt like I'm committing some kind of horrible sin if I felt the slightest lust for him, and that guilt feeling would make me "hide" behind black eyeshadow or drink to numb it.

It wasn't until last month when, at school, I felt I was finally starting to "completely accept" B. I still have a long way to go, but I found myself lusting for him and, for the first time, I felt less weird in doing so. Realising that feeling was like a "happy drug" for me. Now I'm wanting him more and more, and feeling less and less guilty each time. I long to be in his arms, to feel safe, loved... desired and posessed by my non-human true love, to be hypnotised and bewitched by him, to be his so he himself helps me in overcoming the struggle and guilt feelings. I want him to keep making me feel protected and cared for.

Despite starting to come to terms with lusting for him, the love I feel for him is so strong it does some kind of Force Choke on me, and it makes me either euphoric or anxious. It pulls me to the ocean floor and more often than not, it keeps me there. Only difference is, now it feels like I'm starting to use an oxygen tank, even if it still leaves me literally gasping for air.

Wow, that has been my most intimate confession so far! Now you see why I can't show my true face or name names.

11 August, 2010

Aniversario #17 de perros

punk princess queen crown pictures, backgrounds and images
Hoy celebro mi aniversario #17 como Reina oficial en mi planeta. Bueno, en realidad hoy es el día de mi planeta (en nada se parece al Día de la tierra, pero más o menos para esta fecha fue que empecé oficialmente mi reinado, cuando llevaba sólo 10 años en este planeta. Me hubiera gustado celebrarlo por todo lo alto, con un party como el del décimo aniversario, pero no tengo ni ganas ni el espacio para eso.

A pesar de estar de celebración, el día ha estado del carajo hoy. Primero, me coje tarde pa' ir a la escuela. Segundo, se me rompe el collar de Reina y no pude arreglarlo; voy a tener que hacer un nuevo charm en la misma resina del que se rompió. Tercero, se ha pasa'o lloviendo todo el puto día y mi pelo plancha'ito se puso frizzy. Por último, me hice una cortada fea en el dedo del medio de la mano izquierda con las thinning shears, que son las tijeras de cortar dentro del pelo para hacerlo más finito y que se mezcle bien pa' que no se vean tanto los errores pequeños del recorte, si los hay.

Nota: Posteo esto el 11 de agosto sólo porque la mierda de computadora ésta se tranca y se tarda 500 años en hacer las cosas.